Goals

Q: What are his goals?

Now, it may just be me, but isn't this a question to be discussed after many many dates? Anyone who is well thought out would have a significantly lengthy answer to this question based on their personality, likes, dislikes, livelihood etc.

Don't miss out on these conversations just for the false satisfaction of "comfort". Things change, people change, careers change. We should be learning to deal with that, not demanding answers we feel are best.

References Refereces References

Someone should explain how this takes place and how far it should. People sometimes get asked for references, depending on the circles they are in, but how far should one take this? What are all these questions and are they really necessary?
(i.e. What is he learning? --She can't wait till the date to find this out? or does the father want to quiz him?
Is he a neat person? --again, before a first date?? This is relevant AFTER they get married!! and even then, a good couple can work on this if it is so important)

On the other hand, those who ask real questions want to find out as much as they can before investing personal time and energy. (and they are also very good at 20 questions and love to challenge others-jk) However, even if everything is good on paper, there is still plenty of information that is only acquired after spending time with someone. Why ask all those questions if its a "no-go" after the first date?

Someone make sense of this and help the rest of us out?

Opera or Tenor?

This has got to be one that confuses not only me:

The guys asks: Does she sing well? Does she have a nice voice?

--Is he serious?

Now, in all fairness, maybe his heartfelt intention was thus:

1. He wants to have a special shabbis table where his wife and kids sing zemiros at the table.
2. He has a terrible voice and wants to balance the family vocals (oh, he is a Levi as well as is concerned for our wellbeing come Beis Hamikdash time...how giving?)
3. I got nothin. I can't think of another reason for this random question.

Harry Potter

At 11:46 AM, MoDox Machmir Man said…

You're not going to believe me, but a great question to ask is, "did he/she read Harry Potter?"

I know, I know, it sounds dorky, but it really is a great tell of a person's personality. Give me 20 people I kind of know, and I'll get 15 right - if they read the whole series, nothing, or started but never finished.

Trust me, start asking that question to your friends and you'll see what I'm talking about.

Hat Question

Anonymous said:

When my brother was being looked into, the interested family heard my brother "was great boy" yet they wondered what the parents were like.

"We heard his dad wears a grey hat," they commented to the shadchan.

One the question was relayed, the mother of the boy responded: if you want to marry a hat, get a hat. If you want a boy, call us.

Nice answer!

Is She Pretty

How many times have you heard this question?

It seems like people tend to stress this aspect of a person before they talk about character. Sure, we "protect" our dignity and shallowness when we say "not that it is the most important thing..." but who are we kidding. It wouldn't be the first question people ask if it wasn't on the forefront of their mind.

Now, this isn't to say looks have no place in getting set up with someone. On the contrary, most Rabbeim have been known to say that there has to be some attraction level. No arguments there. The issue seems to stem from its immediate concern, and not as the afterthought it should be. Ideally, even if she wasn't a model, by the fact that she has so many other virtuous qualities one may come to love her for who she really is, not by her exterrior. It's strange that I still hear guys in the hall mention something like "she's not blond enough, or she's too short."

Do guys really believe they are entitled to demand Barbie Dolls? Where did this come from?

Shoes- This is what we have come to?

This is a question Rabbi P. Krohn mentioned on a shiur he gave called: Preparing our kids for marriage.

The question: Does the boy wear slip on shoes or lace-up?

Rabbi Krohn said he overheard this being discussed in a yeshiva where they tried to figure out the depth to the question.

1. Slip on would mean he is lazy or
2. Slip on means he doesn't want to waste time washing his hands and he can get to seder faster.
3. Laced shoes mean he is not into style

Either way, I wonder where Crocs fit in...