References Refereces References

Someone should explain how this takes place and how far it should. People sometimes get asked for references, depending on the circles they are in, but how far should one take this? What are all these questions and are they really necessary?
(i.e. What is he learning? --She can't wait till the date to find this out? or does the father want to quiz him?
Is he a neat person? --again, before a first date?? This is relevant AFTER they get married!! and even then, a good couple can work on this if it is so important)

On the other hand, those who ask real questions want to find out as much as they can before investing personal time and energy. (and they are also very good at 20 questions and love to challenge others-jk) However, even if everything is good on paper, there is still plenty of information that is only acquired after spending time with someone. Why ask all those questions if its a "no-go" after the first date?

Someone make sense of this and help the rest of us out?